Family Secrets

I recently read a post about a girl looking to trace her family roots but being unable to do so because her grandmother died without ever revealing to her father who his dad is/was. As a result, she and her father feel like a piece of them is missing. 

I grew up knowing my paternal grandparents to be X and Y referring to them as Granddaddy and Grandma. My dad and I eventually had a comversation about his birth dad. Unfortunately, this was after his dad had died. 

I imagine that somewhere along the line I knew Granddaddy and I weren't blood since my dad didn't have his last name (someone may have even told me, so I won't rely on memory). As is often the case, this makes me think of a scene in The Color Purple. Celie found out that her abusive dad is actually her stepdad and says, "Pa ain't pa." So Granddaddy wasn't my blood relative but he was certainly still Granddaddy, and always treated me as such. 

I have a couple siblings I've never communicated with. One is a boy slightly younger than me, S from Tennessee. The other is quite a few years younger, R from somewhere I can't remember. There is also a sister, K, with whom I keep in contact. I plan to meet her by next year!

I didn't care too much about having sisters that I didn't know. I was pissed when I found out about S, though. Not because he existed, but because we were in the same dating range. At the time, I had just graduated college and often road tripped. What if I'd met him and we "connected" not knowing we were related???

It almost happened with one of my brothers and our aunt (but technically she's not our aunt since we don't share the same blood). It's happened with two of my cousins. All because kids were being created in or kept secret. Or because family members weren't claiming each other. Either way, it sucks when you've established feelings for someone to only find out that you're related. 

What's the point of keeping family secrets? Who are they protecting? Who are they hurting? Sometimes, the people who were involved are dead. Are you really trying to protect their deceased legacy by keeping secrets that are hurting the living? 

Families are suffering because secrets are killing them slowly. This addresses the secrets about genealogy. But if "simple" secrets are being kept, there's no telling what else is under the rug or in the closet.