Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Empty House Full Hearts

When my Husband and I started dating, he led a discussion about where our relationship was heading. He knew from the beginning he wanted to marry me, but needed to know my thoughts about what marriage means. 

It's not JUST about loving a person. It's also a business transaction. So we set relationship and financial goals. 

We'd both made some foolish financial follies (why not alliterate, even though it's redundant). And were tired of not having anything to show for our hard-earned income. And those student loans were/are stifling.  

So we moved into a studio apartment with a futon and a desk. Thankfully we've always loved spending time with each other or we'd have suffocated in those 400 square feet. ESPECIALLY when Deuce visited, before moving with us. I did sleep in a closet for a few hours once when I was mad about something (and looking for attention). But other than that it was more than enough space. 

As a result of us sacrificing square footage for paying bills, I'm not awake agonizing over how I was going to make ends meet as I once did.

However, a new "problem" arose. I was so used to being broke and wanting that I held on SUPER tight to money. Even though we could afford things, I kept having a nagging fear that it could all go away at anytime. I'm just now getting fully comfortable with the idea that I'm not a day away from homelessness.

We still live in a small home. There's just enough permanent space for the three of us with room for periodic visitors. We have furniture now. I also sleep better knowing that Life can throw a curveball and it won't send me to the curb or somebody's couch. I'm not rich but my heart is full. 

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