Ain't No Feeling Like Being Free

April 4, 2008


I was asleep, but not really. I was thinking about happiness and it seemed elusive. During this non-dream dream, I was shown situations and was able to clearly see how my choices determined the outcome and the resulting happiness. Of course, like in many dreams, I can’t quite remember what the examples were.

I just remember that happiness depends on how I choose to interpret situations...I can see the good or the bad, but whatever I see kind of dictates my reaction and subsequent happiness. Also, happiness is experienced moment by moment. I won’t ever experience happiness as long as I’m communing with my thoughts instead of living life.

Whatever the exact dream-like experience was, I felt good deep down in my bones that I was able to see myself seeing myself make good choices. This may not make much sense, but read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle or "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert and it may be a little clearer.

Anyway, after really awakening from the non-dream dream, a song came into my head. I could only remember the chorus, not the lyrics or the artist. So, I lay there for what seems like an hour singing, "It ain’t no feeling like being free. When my mind’s made up and my heart is in the right place."

In all actuality, only about 10 minutes had passed. Still, the song kept running a course through the racetrack of my mind. "It ain’t no feeling like being free." And finally, I felt fine being me.
Not the me that people see or the fake me that I show to the world. The me with old, unresolved issues. The me with a thorn in my side that just at this moment stopped hurting. The me who at this moment is bold and unashamed. The me who recognizes that the me I am right now is not the me who will be around in 5 minutes or 5 days from now.

The me who knows that I AM. I am more than R’s wife. More than Son’s mother. I am more than a world-traveling public speaker or ice cream lover or any other worldly title that I or others have labeled me.

Just like any moment of true joy, this may pass. When Son is getting into something and R unintentionally grates my nerves, I just hope I that I remember that I can transcend again and find this part of myself that is fully self-accepting and unfazed by external factors.

"It ain’t no feeling like being free. When my mind’s made up and my heart is in the right place!" I found the song on the internet (gotta love the net). It’s Destiny’s Child from their final album, Destiny Fulfilled. (Maybe the title of this album means something in this whole episode of mine and maybe not.)

Anyway, after listening to the song, it’s about getting out of a relationship with a man. That’s not what it means for me (at least at this moment that I know of), so don’t jump to conclusions when you hear it on my profile (MySpace).

Ain’t no feeling like being free
When your mind’s made up
And your hearts in the right place, yeah
Ain’t no feeling like being free
When you’ve done all you could
But was misunderstood
(It’s all good, it’s all good)
Ain’t no feeling like being free
I’m like an eagle set free
And finally I’m looking out for me
Ain’t no feeling like being free
Cause my mind’s made up
And my heart is in the right place, yeah